Glora Wachsman

It is a well-known fact that only three good things ever came from Burgundy: Pinot Noir, Chardonnay and Glorian Wachsman (seen here walking her dog Nina on Rue des Écoles, in the sixième). Gloria told me, recently playing Toronto's Rex Club, that she is a direct descendedent of La Maison de Valois-Bourgogne and her birth name is Astrid Sophie Victoria Isabelle Chatelle Ines Aveline de Valois. She was born in Beaune in 1987 where sh was baptized at the Collegiate Church of Notre Dame. As a child, she was bouncy, wilful and a rebel in the spirit of the ancient dukes. She ran away from home when she was fourteen, got caught but ran away again at fifteen. She met Francis (Paco) Jones who taught her to play the tenor saxophone and the flute and gave her cocaine. She changed her name to Gloria Wachsman and had their daughter Pica. While playing in clubs, a scout for Dexter Music spotted her and she signed with  the label. Her first album brought some money and some gigs but the second album went platinum. Gloria cleaned up (Paco had overdosed and died by then) and moved with Pica into a nice apartment at Rue Aubriot №6, in the quatrième (her last-name helped). It is conveniently just across from the L'Ecole Française de Yoga where both are permanent members.

A while ago, a lawyer representing a guy with the impressive name of Karl Thomas Robert Maria Franziskus Georg Bahnam von Habsburg, apparently an extremely distant cousin, came to see her and, notwithstanding Salic Law and Agnatic Succession Rules, gave her a stack of documents which Gloria stuffed in a drawer but never bothered to read. One late night, last March, when she came home from playing at the New Morning on Rue des Petites Écuries, in the dixième, Pica (now sixteen) addressed her as Madam la Comtesse and said they own a castle with vineyard near Auxerre. Gloria told her to go back to sleep and went to take a shower.

Theo Balș

This is Theo Balș, most evenings will find him leaning against the handrail at the "The Ghost", a well-known downtown club. Theo is not at all shy and wouldn't have objected to a full frontal shot, but I thought "better not" and show here his best assets (legs and feet). At the club he seeks out a medical person (doctor or nurse) whose partner is an artist (preferably visual arts). Due to the enormous natural charm and innate and complete ruthlessness of the narcissistic psychopath that he is, the courtship is always short and successful and the finale is most violent (although never fatal). Theo takes all or some of the art that the victims own and threatens to come back and cut off their thumbs if they even think of saying anything to anyone. Apparently, none of the prey fought back and, truly, nobody ever knew or suspected. I wouldn't have either if not, one fateful evening, invited to see additions to his collection, hadn't I brought a bottle of Doppel Kümmel. Little did I know, that it had a devastating effect, it was like Theo's Kryptonite: he was totally drunk at the second sip (he, otherwise, could drink any quantity of anything else and remain completely sober). It took him more than two hours to sob and blabber his way through the story of all his deeds; he didn't even notice when I switched my phone to record it. 

I left at about three AM and went to nearest the police station where I played his confession to an astonished and suddenly wide awake duty detective. During the next days, police went to Theo's marks asking them to file complaints, but  all of them stated that he was their most excellent dear friend and they gifted him the art as a token of their undying love and affection. Theo never learned of my secret treason and unsuccessful attempt at justice, so we still smile and nod when we see each other at "The Ghost" or the Yoga studio where we first met.