Doug Boljahn and the Sweet and Dreamy Loss of Gain

This is Doug Boljahn. In high-school, he told me, he was a shy, not good with sports and was bullied. He wanted badly to hang out with the cool kids. In tenth grade he started reading Proust (because he thought that it will impress girls). He carried the book around showing it off (it worked and some girls were indeed dazzled). In his search of being original and different he started taking dance classes. Doug's business cards read "Dancer" and on the back there were two of his favorite questions/answers from Proust's Questionnaire (1890 version).

Q: Your favorite qualities in a man? A: Feminine charm

Q: Your favorite qualities in a woman? A: Manly virtues, and the union of friendship

At university he studied European Literature and wrote his thesis on Proust. He landed a teaching position at a private boys-only school in Toronto where he also organized dance classes. Doug has lung cancer from smoking a pack a day since he was thirteen and doesn't think he'll last till Bank Holiday. He said he loved his life as he found two things to be passionate about when most people just drift meekly toward nothingness and death. He acknowledged that it started of vanity and desperation but he was very pleased at how well it turned out. (Resigned of dying of a lung disease like Proust he calls it "Dancing with Marcel").

The Standard Solution

This is Frederick van Wagen (undated Daguerreotype), president-elect of the American Kennel Club. On a dreary February day in 1897, he walked into the boardroom on the fourth floor at 306 East 72nd Street with a confident smile on his face (inside he was torn up with doubt and premonition).

The director's meeting had a lengthy agenda but the only item that really mattered was "The Poodle Issue". Breeders were out of control and the Poodle, the most popular dog in the country, came now in sizes from less than ten inches and less than 20 pounds to more than fifteen inches and over 60 pounds and they all competed in the same category: preposterous! Proposal to establish two breeds: "Gross Poodle" and "Klein Poodle". A simple majority (five out of eight members) would carry. All in favor? Four hands went up, motion not agreed. They took a sip of coffee and Frederick made a passionate plea before they voted again. Again motion didn't carry tied at four. They took a break and Frederick worked the room promising favors, making concessions, and threatening retribution, then they voted again (and again and again) they were tied again (and again and again). In hopeless desperation they decided to adjourn when Karl-Maria Kaant stopped them and said: "How about Standard Poodle and Toy Poodle?" They looked at each other and voted: the room erupted in joy for eight "Aye". They congratulated Kaant asking "How on earth did you come up with this one?". "Lucky, I guess". Across the street, a big banner read "ACME Standard Toy Corp. of New York". They adjourned to the Crown and Anchor, the rest of the agenda: funds allocation, general improvements, and support for members, etc wasting under "Future New Business".