There was this older, thin, slightly stooped guy that I saw in neighborhood grocery stores. We always nodded "How you doin?" one day we went for coffee. His name is Mel, he lives alone, a retired book keeper who said he was a very boring person with a very boring life but has talents, one: excellent shoplifter, two: very clever with witty, come-back lines.
Wasn't he afraid to be caught? "They'll never catch me, I am really good". I could tell he was dying to share something and asked him his story: He was working at an accounting firm involved in vote counting for the film festival and his boss asked him to "assist with the awards". It was a coveted assignment for junior staff. You went with the boss to carry the shiny brown leather briefcase with the sealed envelopes. "Wear your best suit, be here at seven!" A limo was waiting, Mel took the case and the "All Access + BACKSTAGE" pass with his name and picture and sat with the boss in the car. At the hall they took the side entrance to the "Green Room". It was large and very bright, full of people around tables with expensive looking food and exotic deserts. Waiters in white gloves and black ties walked around with trays of drinks. Mel sat on a couch by the door and the boss "mingled". A pretty waitress asked "Anything to drink?", he whispered "Just coffee". He felt somebody sitting down next to him and when he turned, he almost spilled his cup: it was the great Alida Venti multiple winner of Best Actress Award. She seemed smaller, older and wearing more make up than on-screen. "Hello, I am Alida Venti from Verona, nice to meet you, how is the coffee here?" She was smiling and talking to him! Mel choked, he managed: "Just coffee". He saw the boss, eyes bulging, fighting the crowd making his way towards them. A loud group burst in: "Andiamo Alida" she stood up just when the boss got there to hear her say "Ciao caro!" "You talked to Alida Venti?! She called you caro?!" Mel told him that Alida introduced herself and said that she is from Verona. "And what did you say?" Mel said he told her that everybody knew who she was and that he watched all her movies many times and he thought her to be magnificent. "That was clever, Mel". Somebody called and the boss turned "Let's go!", Mel ran behind him with the briefcase. "The case! Wait here!" Mel stood against the wall, heard the murmur of the crowd and saw people with headsets busy in the half-shadows. There was applause and gasps and shouts and music and applause again over and over, Alida and a bunch of others rushed past laughing and holding shiny little statues. He waited for a long time: things settled and it was quiet when he asked a guy if he knew where his boss was "Everybody left". Mel found the stage exit and took the bus home. The next morning he proudly hung his precious backstage pass in his cubicle as people came to ask how it went. The boss emerged from the elevator and told a stunned audience how Mel had a tête-à-tête with Alida Venti on a couch and how Mel came up with really clever lines.
Mel turned to me: "This was the highlight of my very boring life", then stood up looking for the right bin to throw his empty coffee cup. A tall blond girl said: "Can you move already?!" Mel came back to the table saying in a sarcastic tone "Was there anywhere a 'please' that I didn't quite hear?" He had a shy smile when he said: "See? I always come back with a clever, witty line ... but late".
