LaviniaB5

Of all the girls I ever loved, Lavinia had the most beautiful eyes. She entered my life on a Wednesday slipping into the seat behind me in the auditorium. I turned to look. When Lavinia smiled, I was struck. My heart skipped a beat. The rest of the lecture became a blurr. I kept glancing back making sure she was still there. Finally class was over. I said something silly: "Did anyone tell you how most beautiful your eyes are?" Lavinia smiled again: "I was waiting for you to say it". I walked her home "Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky"‡, She said she studies French Literature, had no idea how she ended up in my Chemistry class. In front of her house we kissed and decided to see each other  every day until forever. "We sat together in the park, as the evening sky grew dark"‡‡. We both loved Dylan (Thomas) and T.S. Elliot and e. e. cummings and agreed that we knew nothing except that "children guessed(but only a few and down they forgot as up they grew ..."‡‡‡. We weren't together long "Wie lange sind sie schon beisammen? Seit kurzem. Und wann werden sie sich trennen? Bald."‡‡‡‡. Two Tuesdays later I run across the street rushing to catch a bus to meet Lavinia. A car came out of nowhere. I died instantly. Here, where I am now, the rules are strict: time does not exist and I can just watch her. Lavinia lives in Tours, Centre-Val de Loire, France in a house close to Pont Wilson. She teaches Yoga. Her husband owns a factory for water-proof ceramic objects. They have a daughter Michelle (whom she calls Mikki). Mikki is a model and an actress. I visit every Wednesday night. Every Tuesday I weep (or do what crying is here "unde nu sunt lacrimi")‡‡‡‡‡. 

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‡ T.S. Elliot, Prufrock  

‡‡ R. Zimmerman, A Simple Twist of Faith

‡‡‡ e.e. cummings,[anyone lived in a pretty how town]

‡‡‡‡ "How long have you been together? Short time. And when will you break up? Soon" Brecht, Die Liebenden

‡‡‡‡‡ "Where there are no tears", St. Serafin de Sarov

On Nature, Instincts, Aspirations and Incentives of Doings

We meet every second Tuesday of the month at El Chaveta on Olive to discuss, debate and declare on subjects of common and general interest.

The other day, our subject was "Boyfriend v. Husband"*, which dealt with females in a committed relationship having an external liaison (commonly known as cheating). Before the debate we had a show of hands to "I've cheated" and were satisfied that we have an expert panel. Most of us were familiar with the groundbreaking Sonntag, Cappellacci et al. research that found that about two thirds (sometimes as high as three quarters) of relationships have had cheating and that it is the leading cause  of breakdowns (or breakups). 

We all agreed that males cheat more and are more likely to be repeat, frequent or chronic cheaters while females are more likely to "know" (as they possess female intuition and males are less careful, women are also more likely to go through the pockets, wallets, phones of partners and less likely to accept a perfectly logical and innocent explanation of "lipstick on shirt collar" instead jumping to conclusions, even confronted with the "but I can explain" or "it's not what you think"). We also conceded that males often feel less guilty (as they easier construct justifications and rationalizations) but females are more prone to forgive (as they are naturally wiser and kinder). Everybody concurred that sneaking around and the constant fear of  being found out is stressful and, in time, becomes a burden. It was agreed that there is no such thing as a "first offence pardon", once caught it is either curtains or radical acceptance. We could not agree if cheating weakens or strengthens the relationship, couldn't say if the boyfriend is entitled to be jealous of the husband, nor were we unanimous that a "voluntary reveal" is ever a good idea.

After a spirited deliberation, argumentation and cogitation, we still were at a loss to explain why, if logistics are horrendous and consequences disastrous, so we still do it? Probably closest to an answer is what Ivan Krylov, La Fontaine (and before them Aesop) told us about "The scorpion and the frog" yeah?
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* a  previous session's topic was "Wives v. Girlfriends?"