Thursday 20 May 2021

Volker Zauner

This is Volker Zauner (he goes by Van Miller) as I saw him the other day having a drink with current girlfriend Tanya. Van was born in Bad Ischl, Austria into the famous local Zauner family owners and operators of the renowned Konditorei-Kaffee Zauner (since 1832). Van's father, Waldemar, met, fell in love and married Margarete von Schulz against the will of the family. They emigrated to the US when Van was just a toddler and settled in Rochester. Van did badly in school, got into all kinds of trouble and eventually went to Toronto where he found a copywriter job at Q&W Communications. Van had many girlfriends but the relationships never lasted: the women he dated discovered quickly that he is an uninteresting fake with no real opinions: a flake and a waste of time to be with. The initial short-lived attraction was his ability to listen quietly brooding with an air of awkward discomfort that was taken as approving and sympathetic. These young ladies, little did they know that Van creates this artificial impression by wearing women's underwear two sizes too small that make him squirm and cramp in controlled, near agony distress.


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