The Dewson SWAP

The "Dewson SWAP" presentation was on the agenda of the quarterly meeting of the Associated Vine Growers du Bordeaux at the request of Mademoiselle Allania Dewson. Most members were wine-making families like Allania's. She was a seventh-generation grower going back to Captain Harrison Dewson's arrival from Dublin in the 1760s to buy the South West vineyard and the Chateau Plesque-Binot. They began making Merlot, like everybody in Bordeaux, which they kept calling claret until they got used to French names.

After the admin issues of the meeting were sorted. Monsieur le president LeBlanc gave Allania the floor. She began by saying that she would not talk about: phenolic compounds (phenolic acids, stilbenoids, flavonols, dihydroflavonols, anthocyanins (enocyanin), flavanol monomers (catechins), and flavanol polymers (proanthocyanidins) that give wines taste, aroma, bouquet, color, and mouthfeel. These are important only after making the crucial decision of the season. Allania looked up from her notes and asked the audience: "What is the fundamental decision you make, mes amis?" Audience shuffled their feet, looked at each other, and answered, "Picking the right date and time to harvest." Allania said, "Correct!" She looked at them and said in a firm, confident voice: "I have here a tool that allows you to make this decision with one hundred percent certainty every time." She explaining how her AI-based application analyzes thousands of factors from hundreds of sources to determine the precise optimum harvest date and time for each vineyard. "Your handouts contain all the details. Download from the App Store, create an account, fill out the profile, and then receive notifications, tips, and comments:a detailed dossier for your season. Call me for help or questions," Monsieur d'Arisee asked, "Is this free, and what's with the name?" Allania said that there is a 45 Euro yearly membership fee, and "SWAP" is a typo; it was supposed to be "South West App," now it cannot be changed. d'Arisee continued: "I'm in, I paid the fee, and all worked exactly as you said, looks great but you talked about a very detailed report, and I only got a summary." Everybody in the room followed the dialogue with interest; some of them were working on their phones. Allania asked: "In the query, did you say 'please'?" To which d'Arisee replied that he didn't, because Sam Altman told the press that every 'please' and 'thank you' costs him many Gigabytes and thousands of gallons of cooling water. Allania smiled and said, "That was the previous generation AI, these days they are anthropomorphically sensitized and will respond differently depending on the attitude, and how you ask, they can tell sarcasm from humor and read and interpret your intentions". "Merde!" said Monsieur d'Arisee.